No Man is an Island

A few years ago I would have disagreed with John Donne at the statement above. At that point, you could've given me a book and a coffee and I'd be quite happy not to see another human being all day. And then I moved away from home, out of my comfort zone, and made some friends. One in particular showed me what friendship truly meant. So when I had to pull up the tiny roots I had let down, and move to a different city for my next job-assignment, it dawned on me that I would have to start again and make friends in a new place, cause my books no longer satisfied me. I had experienced the joy good company brings, and longed to belong again. I was an island no more, I had become part of the mainland, and though I still kept myself to the coast, I was part of it nonetheless. But I also realised that to have good company, one has to be good company. To have a friend, I'd have to be a friend. It was a lesson in sowing and reaping.


Since I have been here in England, I've had several single friends share the following thought, “If I did not contact any of my “friends”, would anyone miss me enough to get in touch?”

I can understand the hurt, despair and aloneness behind that statement but I can also sense the danger that follows in the trail of such a thought.

Everyone needs to feel loved, wanted, essential.

Everyone hopes to be missed.

Everyone wants to belong.

For a single person these needs aren't met as easily. Singles obviously aren't part of a family, and unless they are supported by a strong network of friends, it becomes very easy for a single person to isolate himself/herself. In a family unit there usually is a sense of accountability, members hold each other responsible. Each person has a role and everyone else depends on him to play it. For a single person, no such accountability exists. And while the freedom of such a state is wonderful, its loneliness is unbearable.

When the answer to the question above is experienced in the negative, as it often is, a single's sense of value and identity is threatened. It then doesn't take long for him to fall prey either to self pity and depression or to anger and sulkiness, both of which usually lead to withdrawal and isolation.

As a church, we are community minded and play an admirable role – engaging with students, kids, families and the elderly. But as a response to that question, lets resolve to do just a little bit more. Perhaps as families - we could keep a caring eye out for singles in our community and in the church – drawing them into our homes and family life, this fellowship is vital. And as singles, I wonder if we could be more intentional in - making friends – reaching out – being interested in others – being that ideal friend we've always wanted to have. Let’s not wait for someone else to make the first move, there probably is someone feeling exactly the way you do. And then let’s persist in maintaining friendships, it involves an investment of time that a Sunday morning is just not enough for.

Chicken Tikka From Scratch

Tried this recipe for a group of friends, and captured each step on the camera .. it turned out yummy btw :)

For one medium chicken

First marinade for 3 hours

Lemon juice - 2 tbsp

Ginger and garlic paste - 1 tsp each

1/2 tsp turmeric

1/2 tsp chilly powder

Second marinade for 3 hours

Hung natural yogurt - 200gms

Lemon juice - 2 tbsp

Ginger and garlic paste - 1 tsp each

Food coloring - orange - 1 tsp approx to get the desired color

After marinating the chicken pieces, grill till they are slightly charred.

For the gravy -

Fry 2 finely chopped onions till they start to turn golden brown

Add - 1 tsp turmeric, 1 tsp chilly powder, 1 tsp cumin powder, 2 tbsp coriander powder - fry for a min, if it sticks to the pan add a tbsp of water.

Add a can of tomato puree, abt 200 gms, and about 3 fresh medium sized tomatos chopped. cook until the fat seperates.

Add chicken pieces, and cook for another 15 minutes.

Add 100ml cream, let it simmer for a couple of minutes.

Add crushed fenugreek leaves for flavour.

Check for seasoning

Serve hot with rice or naan

 

Ladders, interviews ... and Soton

Luggage sorted – check

Travel card taken – check

Packed-lunch packed – check

So around nine in the morning, I left to go the office that sunday to pick up some stuff. By the time I got back it was about a quarter to ten. As I got closer to the house, I realised that I had forgotten to take my keys. All my luggage was inside the house, and I had a train to catch by ten-thirty! The seriousness of my predicament sunk in when I figured out that my housemates had left an hour ago, and the only other couple who had a key to the house, were away on holiday. Help!

I called my landlady, and as she suggested tried looking under all the flower pots – and found crawley insects and dried mud.

10:00 am - Tried the neighbour down the road, but they weren't in and I kept getting an answering machine on the phone.

10:03 am - Tried all the office keys that I had hoping one would click in place – in vain.

By now I was panicking, and I called my poor landlady again, who in turn had also begun panicking for me since she knew I had a long journey ahead. I had an interview the next day, and I figured that if a solution didn't present itself within the next few minutes I was going to head to the station and catch my train with nothing more than my purse, my phone and some documents – I was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and didnt even have a jacket!!! By now I was praying hard – desperate and very very nervous at the ticking clock.

!0:08 am - I finally banged on the door of the guy who lives in front of us and pleaded for help. Poor chap, here he was enjoying a peaceful Sunday morning... Anyway he came around with a tall ladder and tried prying open the front windows on the first floor unsucessfully.

10:10 am - The next door Indian lady was involved in the drama at this point. She allowed us to carry the tall ladder through her narrow, long house (which was a feat in itself).

10:16 am - We propped it up against the back wall and then Michael (the guy with the ladder) clambered over the roof of their conservatory, and then shimmied along the our kitchen roof, before making it to my bedroom window, which thankfully was open. As we saw his legs disappear through it, I couldn't help wonder if my room was tidy enough, I didnt want to scandalise my poor benefactor ... I figured however, in the grand scheme of things it didnt matter if my underwear was lying around!

10:16:30 am – He opened the door. (Major sigh of relief)

10:18 am – Grabbed my bags, reset the alarm, and I found myself out of the house and in the front seat of his car. He'd kindly offered me a lift to the station.

10:20 am – I couldn't believe I'd made it with ten minutes to spare!!!

xxx

Got to Southampton in good time, then spent the next two hours tramping it to my lodging for the night. A lovely family welcomed me into their home. I spent the evening listening to the tiny three kids chatter, and then reading them an encyclopedia for a bed time story!! Later on the parents and I chilled out with a tv dinner. The mum, who is a splitting image of Jacqui Kennedy, is a head-hunter herself and we had a great chat over dinner. Before breakfast, the next day, we managed a game of hide and seek, but then it was time for the oldest one to go to school.



That morning I had a two hour interview, which was more of an informal chat, and which resulted in me being offered a writing internship with Damaris. I was given two weeks to get back to them. Later that afternoon, I caught a bus to go check out the apparently famous Ocean Village. Fifteen minutes into the ride, I turned to the little old lady behind me to ask her how much longer it would take, only to find that we had already gone through it! Grrrr! So I just sat the ride out, until the last stop and got off at a little village called Hamble. I shambled around the tiny shops, bought myself some lunch and found a bench down by the quay, over which I hung my tired legs while I ate and watched the gulls squabble for the leftovers.

xxx

So I find myself back home, decision made – I am going to move down to Southampton, find a part-time job to help pay the bills and begin that internship (about which I am a whole lot more excited than I sound, it is the move to Soton, as they call it, that does not excite me at all, anyway I'm trying not to moan ;) )

I left a box of cookies for my 'Knight With a Shining Ladder' the other evening. A few more weeks left in dear old Lboro'