No Man is an Island

A few years ago I would have disagreed with John Donne at the statement above. At that point, you could've given me a book and a coffee and I'd be quite happy not to see another human being all day. And then I moved away from home, out of my comfort zone, and made some friends. One in particular showed me what friendship truly meant. So when I had to pull up the tiny roots I had let down, and move to a different city for my next job-assignment, it dawned on me that I would have to start again and make friends in a new place, cause my books no longer satisfied me. I had experienced the joy good company brings, and longed to belong again. I was an island no more, I had become part of the mainland, and though I still kept myself to the coast, I was part of it nonetheless. But I also realised that to have good company, one has to be good company. To have a friend, I'd have to be a friend. It was a lesson in sowing and reaping.


Since I have been here in England, I've had several single friends share the following thought, “If I did not contact any of my “friends”, would anyone miss me enough to get in touch?”

I can understand the hurt, despair and aloneness behind that statement but I can also sense the danger that follows in the trail of such a thought.

Everyone needs to feel loved, wanted, essential.

Everyone hopes to be missed.

Everyone wants to belong.

For a single person these needs aren't met as easily. Singles obviously aren't part of a family, and unless they are supported by a strong network of friends, it becomes very easy for a single person to isolate himself/herself. In a family unit there usually is a sense of accountability, members hold each other responsible. Each person has a role and everyone else depends on him to play it. For a single person, no such accountability exists. And while the freedom of such a state is wonderful, its loneliness is unbearable.

When the answer to the question above is experienced in the negative, as it often is, a single's sense of value and identity is threatened. It then doesn't take long for him to fall prey either to self pity and depression or to anger and sulkiness, both of which usually lead to withdrawal and isolation.

As a church, we are community minded and play an admirable role – engaging with students, kids, families and the elderly. But as a response to that question, lets resolve to do just a little bit more. Perhaps as families - we could keep a caring eye out for singles in our community and in the church – drawing them into our homes and family life, this fellowship is vital. And as singles, I wonder if we could be more intentional in - making friends – reaching out – being interested in others – being that ideal friend we've always wanted to have. Let’s not wait for someone else to make the first move, there probably is someone feeling exactly the way you do. And then let’s persist in maintaining friendships, it involves an investment of time that a Sunday morning is just not enough for.