No Man is an Island

A few years ago I would have disagreed with John Donne at the statement above. At that point, you could've given me a book and a coffee and I'd be quite happy not to see another human being all day. And then I moved away from home, out of my comfort zone, and made some friends. One in particular showed me what friendship truly meant. So when I had to pull up the tiny roots I had let down, and move to a different city for my next job-assignment, it dawned on me that I would have to start again and make friends in a new place, cause my books no longer satisfied me. I had experienced the joy good company brings, and longed to belong again. I was an island no more, I had become part of the mainland, and though I still kept myself to the coast, I was part of it nonetheless. But I also realised that to have good company, one has to be good company. To have a friend, I'd have to be a friend. It was a lesson in sowing and reaping.


Since I have been here in England, I've had several single friends share the following thought, “If I did not contact any of my “friends”, would anyone miss me enough to get in touch?”

I can understand the hurt, despair and aloneness behind that statement but I can also sense the danger that follows in the trail of such a thought.

Everyone needs to feel loved, wanted, essential.

Everyone hopes to be missed.

Everyone wants to belong.

For a single person these needs aren't met as easily. Singles obviously aren't part of a family, and unless they are supported by a strong network of friends, it becomes very easy for a single person to isolate himself/herself. In a family unit there usually is a sense of accountability, members hold each other responsible. Each person has a role and everyone else depends on him to play it. For a single person, no such accountability exists. And while the freedom of such a state is wonderful, its loneliness is unbearable.

When the answer to the question above is experienced in the negative, as it often is, a single's sense of value and identity is threatened. It then doesn't take long for him to fall prey either to self pity and depression or to anger and sulkiness, both of which usually lead to withdrawal and isolation.

As a church, we are community minded and play an admirable role – engaging with students, kids, families and the elderly. But as a response to that question, lets resolve to do just a little bit more. Perhaps as families - we could keep a caring eye out for singles in our community and in the church – drawing them into our homes and family life, this fellowship is vital. And as singles, I wonder if we could be more intentional in - making friends – reaching out – being interested in others – being that ideal friend we've always wanted to have. Let’s not wait for someone else to make the first move, there probably is someone feeling exactly the way you do. And then let’s persist in maintaining friendships, it involves an investment of time that a Sunday morning is just not enough for.

Chicken Tikka From Scratch

Tried this recipe for a group of friends, and captured each step on the camera .. it turned out yummy btw :)

For one medium chicken

First marinade for 3 hours

Lemon juice - 2 tbsp

Ginger and garlic paste - 1 tsp each

1/2 tsp turmeric

1/2 tsp chilly powder

Second marinade for 3 hours

Hung natural yogurt - 200gms

Lemon juice - 2 tbsp

Ginger and garlic paste - 1 tsp each

Food coloring - orange - 1 tsp approx to get the desired color

After marinating the chicken pieces, grill till they are slightly charred.

For the gravy -

Fry 2 finely chopped onions till they start to turn golden brown

Add - 1 tsp turmeric, 1 tsp chilly powder, 1 tsp cumin powder, 2 tbsp coriander powder - fry for a min, if it sticks to the pan add a tbsp of water.

Add a can of tomato puree, abt 200 gms, and about 3 fresh medium sized tomatos chopped. cook until the fat seperates.

Add chicken pieces, and cook for another 15 minutes.

Add 100ml cream, let it simmer for a couple of minutes.

Add crushed fenugreek leaves for flavour.

Check for seasoning

Serve hot with rice or naan

 

Ladders, interviews ... and Soton

Luggage sorted – check

Travel card taken – check

Packed-lunch packed – check

So around nine in the morning, I left to go the office that sunday to pick up some stuff. By the time I got back it was about a quarter to ten. As I got closer to the house, I realised that I had forgotten to take my keys. All my luggage was inside the house, and I had a train to catch by ten-thirty! The seriousness of my predicament sunk in when I figured out that my housemates had left an hour ago, and the only other couple who had a key to the house, were away on holiday. Help!

I called my landlady, and as she suggested tried looking under all the flower pots – and found crawley insects and dried mud.

10:00 am - Tried the neighbour down the road, but they weren't in and I kept getting an answering machine on the phone.

10:03 am - Tried all the office keys that I had hoping one would click in place – in vain.

By now I was panicking, and I called my poor landlady again, who in turn had also begun panicking for me since she knew I had a long journey ahead. I had an interview the next day, and I figured that if a solution didn't present itself within the next few minutes I was going to head to the station and catch my train with nothing more than my purse, my phone and some documents – I was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and didnt even have a jacket!!! By now I was praying hard – desperate and very very nervous at the ticking clock.

!0:08 am - I finally banged on the door of the guy who lives in front of us and pleaded for help. Poor chap, here he was enjoying a peaceful Sunday morning... Anyway he came around with a tall ladder and tried prying open the front windows on the first floor unsucessfully.

10:10 am - The next door Indian lady was involved in the drama at this point. She allowed us to carry the tall ladder through her narrow, long house (which was a feat in itself).

10:16 am - We propped it up against the back wall and then Michael (the guy with the ladder) clambered over the roof of their conservatory, and then shimmied along the our kitchen roof, before making it to my bedroom window, which thankfully was open. As we saw his legs disappear through it, I couldn't help wonder if my room was tidy enough, I didnt want to scandalise my poor benefactor ... I figured however, in the grand scheme of things it didnt matter if my underwear was lying around!

10:16:30 am – He opened the door. (Major sigh of relief)

10:18 am – Grabbed my bags, reset the alarm, and I found myself out of the house and in the front seat of his car. He'd kindly offered me a lift to the station.

10:20 am – I couldn't believe I'd made it with ten minutes to spare!!!

xxx

Got to Southampton in good time, then spent the next two hours tramping it to my lodging for the night. A lovely family welcomed me into their home. I spent the evening listening to the tiny three kids chatter, and then reading them an encyclopedia for a bed time story!! Later on the parents and I chilled out with a tv dinner. The mum, who is a splitting image of Jacqui Kennedy, is a head-hunter herself and we had a great chat over dinner. Before breakfast, the next day, we managed a game of hide and seek, but then it was time for the oldest one to go to school.



That morning I had a two hour interview, which was more of an informal chat, and which resulted in me being offered a writing internship with Damaris. I was given two weeks to get back to them. Later that afternoon, I caught a bus to go check out the apparently famous Ocean Village. Fifteen minutes into the ride, I turned to the little old lady behind me to ask her how much longer it would take, only to find that we had already gone through it! Grrrr! So I just sat the ride out, until the last stop and got off at a little village called Hamble. I shambled around the tiny shops, bought myself some lunch and found a bench down by the quay, over which I hung my tired legs while I ate and watched the gulls squabble for the leftovers.

xxx

So I find myself back home, decision made – I am going to move down to Southampton, find a part-time job to help pay the bills and begin that internship (about which I am a whole lot more excited than I sound, it is the move to Soton, as they call it, that does not excite me at all, anyway I'm trying not to moan ;) )

I left a box of cookies for my 'Knight With a Shining Ladder' the other evening. A few more weeks left in dear old Lboro'

Floating On A River

I had a wonderful evening yesterday. A friend invited me to go kayaking with her and a couple of others. The western sky had a tatter of purple clouds on the horizon, and the setting sun outlined them with gold as we let our kayaks into the water. The experienced club members took off, moving swiftly upriver. There were several other newbies who had about as little experience as I did, so it was fun learning together. We spent the next hour and a half practicing different strokes with our oars, giggling when we bumped into each other helplessly.
To begin with, I was tentative – the thought of capsizing and being trapped under the boat, struggling to breathe would be one of my worst fears come true. Slowly I got the hang of moving forward and backward, turning around and sideways – using the paddle to manouver the boat. Every now and then though, my kayak would shoot off in an unexpected direction - I got stuck in some blackberry brambles that grew along the shore, then got caught by the leafy fingers of a weeping willow tree and finally hard-nosed a decrepit barge that had been abandoned further downstream. It was like my kayak had a mind of its own, and needed to be coaxed in the right direction, with a little encouragement from the oars :) However towards the end I found myself becoming a little more adventurous, my strokes became purposeful, I dug deep and pulled the water back, the effort tiring and pleasing at once.
Richard, our guide for the evening gave me a tip, “Keep looking as far ahead as possible” he said, “Keep your eye trained on where you want to go, so that as soon as your kayak moves out of the line you want to be headed in, you'll notice it out of the corner of your eye and can take immediate corrective action”. And it worked!!! I'd spot a plant sticking out of the water in front and head for it, and if my kayak wavered ever so little I could still get it back on track quickly!

What a trouble saving trip – you can almost see the analogy coming can't you? :) Keep your eye on God - the reason for your existence, instead of the worries that seem to surround you, and if your life goes off track ever so little you can straighten up again.

---

The river was calm and we could see the bottom quite clearly through the deep green water. Mossy rocks and long sea-weedy plants clung to the river bed. We kayaked under an old old bridge...dating back to the 1800s. It had been reinforced, and you could tell from its underside where the new bridge extended the old. A couple of ducks and moorhens kept us company, drifting along with the current. We even spotted a duck with its nest and a duckling on the water.

I find that I prefer a kayak to a canoe. In a kayak, you are on the same level as the river and seem to almost become part of it. The wildlife on the shore and the river sort of accept you, as they would a big plastic yellow duck. A canoe on the other hand distances you from the river, raises the edges, sets boundaries, where you stay in and the river stays out. It makes you the viewer, and the river - the viewed. Besides you end up with as much water in the kayak as there is out of it! I was soaked and sitting in a little puddle by the end of our trip :) you can't get much closer to the river without swimming in it :)

The tiniest person out on the river last night, was a little boy who could not have been over 4 yrs old, and seemed to be swallowed up by his life jacket. He stood at the front of the canoe, facing the river, holding on to the oar while his dad rowed. He honestly believed that he was helping papa row. I loved the picture the two of them made. It reminds me of how sometimes I believe I am helping God row the boat of my life. It makes me feel in bit more in control. As though God needs my help! But graciously, like that dad on the river, he lets me hold onto the oar and move it back and forth, until I realise that I don't have to. Thankfully, I sooner or later I remember that He is in control and I can let go the oar and enjoy the ride :)
 

A House That's Lived In

I love a house that's “lived in”

with clutter here and there

a magazine left open

a jacket on a chair



A smell of something cooking

a special recipe?

An over-eager offer

of hospitality



I love a house that's “lived-in”

it seems to stand apart,

for in it is a woman

who has a loving heart. -               Anonymous



I saw that poem, framed and mounted, on the wall of a friend's house whilst visiting, and fell instantly in love with it. The dad very kindly penned it down for me on a piece of paper before I left. It captures the desire I have, of one day having a home that is hospitable, open to friends and family and strangers.

It also emphasises the importance of the role of a woman in making a house a home. I'm courting the wrath of feminists when I say this, but I believe that the woman in Proverbs 31, is being held up as a role model. Not so that we 'nomal' women work ourselves into a frenzy trying to achieve perfection, but so that when we study those verses closely we realise that that woman's life is structured on kindness, mercy, love, patience, industriousness and dignity. She is wise, and trusts in God for everything. Seems to me her conduct is very Christ-like, and isn't that what we are meant to be aiming for anyway – to learn from Jesus and show it in the way we live?

One day I'd like to have a home like that. A haven, where all are safe and happy. Where joy is a way of life. Where encouragement and kindness abound. Where love has priority. Where dreams are nourished. Where a life of adventure is kindled, and respite from the storms is found. Where prayer is the first impulse and the last resort. Where happy pets scurry and squawk. Where little feet, learn to crawl and then toddle and then run. Where little hands learn to grasp, and then draw and then scrawl and then write. Where young voices sing along with the old. Where smells of baking fill the air. Where music lightens the heart. Where the door is always open to strangers. Where God is first.

Can the Bible become an idol?

A friend asked me, “So what did you read in the Bible today?”
And I was stumped. I fumbled around with a lame answer and quickly changed the subject.

But later on, for the life of me, I could not recall what I had read that very morning!
True, I had been in a rush to get somewhere and hence had hurried over breakfast and God-time, but I could not remember exactly which passage I had been reading from.

Other than embarrasing me, that got me thinking.

I realised that my 'quiet' time had become a ritual, nothing more than a habit that I followed – like brushing my teeth every morning.

An unthinking routine.

My relationship with Jesus had come to a standstill. Like a stagnant pond, I was subsisting on the algae that had taken root over the years but there wasnt any fresh water, or revelation, evident in my life. I hadn't back-slidden as such, I'd just stalled. The Bible had become a replacement of the relationship I had shared with God.

But you see, to have a relationship, you need to communicate, to talk and to listen. Lately I had been talking at God and not waiting long enough to listen to what he had to say in return. As long as I met my reading quota for the day - one chapter from the Old Testament, one from the New, one Psalm and one from Proverbs - I was ok with the state of things.

Thankfully God wasn't. And as he often does, he sent a reminder in the form of that question.
I've realised that even a good thing, like the Bible, has the potential of becoming an idol*, when you replace God with it.

Learning from Saul

1 Samuel 10:20-24

20 So Samuel brought all the tribes of Israel before the Lord, and the tribe of Benjamin was chosen by lot. 21 Then he brought each family of the tribe of Benjamin before the Lord, and the family of the Matrites was chosen. And finally Saul son of Kish was chosen from among them. But when they looked for him, he had disappeared! 22 So they asked the Lord, “Where is he?”

   And the Lord replied, “He is hiding among the baggage.” 23 So they found him and brought him out, and he stood head and shoulders above anyone else.

 24 Then Samuel said to all the people, “This is the man the Lord has chosen as your king. No one in all Israel is like him!”

   And all the people shouted, “Long live the king!”

I think, often we can be like Saul. We know what God asks of us, we know what he wants us to do, we know that we are equipped and anointed, we can see the direction he is pointing us in – but we are scared, we doubt ourselves, we think he has made a wrong decision, we lack the confidence to step forward and take responsibility.

And so we hide.

We hide behind the 'baggage' of life.

Behind what has been 'done' to us.

Behind 'why the past' is the reason we cannot move forward into the future.

Behind 'busyness', doing everything except what he requires us to do.

Behind – excuses.

But God finds us out and leads us on. Saul was found hiding in the baggage compartment, and when he was brought (read dragged) out, he stood 'head and shoulders above anyone else'. This guy was huge, AND he was the handsomest man in all Israel (1 Samuel 9:2)! Amongst the twelve tribes of Israel, there was no one else fit to lead the nation. Yet he had self-worth issues (1 Samuel 9:21) which continued for the rest of his life. He never felt he was good enough. The feeling of being inferior and falling short of what was expected haunted him always.

Like Saul, we vacillate between our feelings and our calling.

We need to start seeing ourselves as God sees us. Our self worth is determined, not by what the world says about us, not even by what we tend to think of ourselves, but what God has to say about us, as his children. When we accept what Jesus did for us on the cross, we are forgiven and accepted into God's family. And when God looks at us, he sees, not what we have been, but what we are in Christ. That is where our identity lies, and that is where we should look whenever self-doubt creeps into our consciousness.

If God has called us to do something, he will equip us to do it well.  It’s all about stepping out in faith, knowing that God will come through. He knows all about Human Resources, he knows each one of us personally and he does not need to conduct an aptitude test to determine, whether or not, we are suited for the job. All he requires of us is to be willing and obedient.